The American Soul

Screens, Marriage, And The Courage To Lead

• Jesse • Season 5 • Episode 129

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We share a simple plan to put God first, protect marriage with clear expectations, and cut kids’ screen time without chaos. Scripture anchors the hope, practical steps build the habits, and leadership by example holds it all together.

• prayer of thanks and intercession for families, leaders, and nation
• Song of Solomon on marital admiration and union
• Hebrews 10 on Christ’s once-for-all sacrifice
• Psalm 108 on trusting God over human help
• prudence from Proverbs 27:12 applied to tech
• five strategies to limit kids’ screen time
• leadership by modeling and consistent boundaries
• setting scriptural roles and expectations in marriage
• replacing screens with real-world connection and crafts
• leading even when others won’t follow

If you're looking for a family fun, middle grade read, I recommend Countryside. If you get a chance, check it out. If you like it, leave a review. I would greatly appreciate that.
If you feel like you're getting something out of the podcast, there's a donation page on the Buzz Sprout website. I would highly appreciate or very be very grateful for that.


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SPEAKER_00:

Hey folks, this is Jesse Cope, back with another episode of the American Soul Podcast. Hope y'all are doing well wherever y'all are. Whatever part of the day you're in, I sure do appreciate you joining me, giving me a little bit of your time and attention. Little piece of your day, I will try and use it wisely. Hopefully, it'll give us all some extra tools for our toolbox. For those of y'all who continue to share the podcast with others and tell others about it, thank you. Very, very grateful. For those of y'all who continue to pray for me and for the podcast, thank you. Very grateful for your prayers. Father, thank you for today. Thank you for you, Father, and your son Jesus Christ and your Holy Spirit. Thank you for your love and your mercy, your grace and your forgiveness of sins. Thank you for your promise, Father, that if we confess your Son Jesus Christ, as Lord and Savior, as the Son of God, and we choose to believe in our hearts that you raised him from the dead, that we will have eternal life with you. Thank you for that wonderful promise, Father. Thank you for the people that listen to and share the podcast. Please be with their families, be with them. Give them wisdom and courage and a strong faith. Help them to feel your presence throughout each day, strengthen their marriages, strengthen their families. Help us to get our priorities in line with your priorities, Father. Give us the wisdom and courage, perseverance, to change what needs to be changed in our lives. To keep what needs to be kept. Be with those, the widow and the orphan, the poor and the needy who are hurting, Father. Help us to look outside our own doors and our own communities for those who need our help. To look for those that have less than we do. Be with our leaders. Both in the pulpit and in the state. Be with our families. Be with our military and our law enforcement. And America in particular, Father, please be with our ICE agents. Be with their families. Comfort them. Strengthen them. Give us perseverance, Father. Help us to turn back to you as a nation. And please, God, our words here. In your son's name we pray. Amen. Have you made time for God today? Have you made time to read his word and pray and talk to him? To listen? Made time for Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. And if you're married, have you made time for your spouse? We're going to talk a lot about that today on this podcast. So we're going to go ahead and get into the marriage verse. Admiration by the bridegroom. How beautiful are your feet and sandals, O prince's daughter? This is Song of Solomon seven, by the way. The curves of your hips are like jewels, the work of the hands of an artist. Your navel is like a round goblet which never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is like a heap of wheat fenced about with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like a tyree of hour, of ivory, tower of ivory, your eyes like the pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bathraban. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon, which faces toward Damascus. Your head crowns you like caramel, and the flowing locks of your head are like purple threads. The king is captivated by your tresses, how beautiful and how delightful you are. My love with all your charms. Your stature is like a palm tree and your breasts are like its clusters. I said I will climb the palm tree, I will take hold of its fruit stalks. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly from my beloved, flowing gently through the lips of those who fall asleep. The Union of Love I am my beloved's and his desires for me. Come, my beloved, let us go into the country, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us rise early and go to the vineyards. Let us see whether the vine has budded and its blossoms have opened, and whether the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love, the mandrakes have given forth fragrance, and over our doors are all choice fruits, both new and old, which I have saved up for you, my beloved. We don't spend enough time on Song with Solomon inside the church. Alright. Bible verses for today. The old system under the law of Moses was only a shadow, a dim preview of the good things to come, not the good things themselves. The sacrifices under that system were repeated again and again year after year, but they were never able to provide perfect cleansing for those who came to worship. If they could have provided perfect cleansing, the sacrifices would have stopped, or the worshipers would have been purified once for all time, and their feelings of guilt would have disappeared. But instead those sacrifices actually reminded them of their sins year after year, for it is not possible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins. That is why when Christ came into the world, he said to God, You did not want animal sacrifices or sin offerings, but you have given me a body to offer. You were not pleased with burnt offerings or other offerings for sin. Then I said, Look, I have come to do your will, O God, as is written about me in the scriptures. For Christ said first Christ said, You did not want animal sacrifices or sin offerings or burnt offerings or other offerings for sin, nor were you pleased with them, though they are required by the law of Moses. Then he said, Look, I have come to do your will. He cancels the first covenant in order to put the second into effect. For God's will for us was for us to be made holy by the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all time. Under the old covenant, the priest stands and ministers before the altar day after day, offering the same sacrifices again and again which can never take away sins. But our high priest offered himself to God as a single sacrifice for sins, good for all time. Then he sat down in the place of honor at God's right hand. There he waits until his enemies are humbled and made a footstool under his feet, for by that one offering he forever made perfect those who are being made holy. And the Holy Spirit also testifies that this is so, for he says, This is the new covenant I will make with my people on that day, says the Lord. I will put my law into their hearts, and I will write them on their minds. Then he says, I will never again remember their sins and lawless deeds. Psalm one hundred o eight verses one through thirteen. My heart is confident in you, O God. No wonder I can sing your praises with all my heart. Wake up, lear and harp, I will wake with the dawn my s with I will wake the dawn with my song. I will thank you, Lord among the people. I will sing your praises among the nations. For your unfailing love is higher than the heavens, your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. Be exalted, O God above the highest heavens. May your glory shine over all the earth. Now rescue your beloved people, answer and save us by your power. God has promised us by his holiness, I will divide up Shechem with joy, I will measure out the valley of Sucketh, Gilead is mine, and Manasseh too. Ephraim, my helmet will produce my warriors, and Judah my scepter will produce my kings. But Moab, my wash basin, will become my servant, and I will wipe my feet on Edom and shout in triumph over Philistia. Who will bring me into the fortified city? Who will bring me victory over Edom? Have you rejected us, O God? Will you no longer march with our armies? O please help us against our enemies, for all human help is useless. With God's help we will do mighty things, for he will trample down our foes. Proverbs twenty seven twelve. A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences. In a way we're going to talk about verse twelve there today quite a bit. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences. Psalm 108, we need to remember verse 12 and 13 in America today. Help us against our enemies for all human help is useless. With God's help we will do mighty things, for he will trample down our foes. The only help, folks, the only hope of salvation, of rescue that we have in America today is God. There's no particular politician or party or even policy that can that can save us outside of God. You go back to Hebrews 10, a couple things here. Verse 10, for God's will was for us to be made holy by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ once for all time. Our high priest, this is verse 12, our high priest offered himself to God as a simple single sacrifice for sins, good for all time. Verse 17, then he says, I will never again remember their sins and lawless deeds. Folks, I'm not a priest or a pastor or even a deacon or an elder. I just read the Bible or try to on a daily basis. To me, the way I read that should be really encouraging to us as Christians. Jesus Christ paid the price once for everything that we've done, that we're gonna do, that we're doing right now, sins. And that's not an excuse for us to go and just keep on sinning, folks, because when we choose Christ, when we love Christ, we we strive to follow his commands. We have a desire to do what he wants us to do, despite what our flesh wants us to do, right? Um but the comforting is that he's paid the price for everything, for all time, once it's done. It doesn't mean you're not gonna struggle. Uh, and that has to do with the whole time versus out of time stuff with God, but it means that he's paid that price, Jesus Christ has completely. For all the sins you committed two years ago, a year ago, five years ago, twenty years ago, forty years ago, for the sins you committed today or tonight or yesterday or tomorrow, for the sins that you're gonna commit five years from now, one year from now, twenty years from now, forty years from now. He paid it. And then verse one over here the old system was only a shadow, a dim preview of the good things to come, not the good things themselves. I think that's really encouraging too, is we don't have any clue what's coming, folks, but it's gonna be better than anything that we can imagine. Anything. And that's that's really encouraging. All right, so the rest of the podcast today, uh, we're gonna spend on an article because I think it's so important today, and really has been for a while. And so we'll get back to the normal Medal of Honors and the history quotes. But I wanted to, this is Smart Ways to Limit Kids Screen Time by Barbara Danza. There's a lot here, folks, so we're gonna spend a few minutes on it. So a couple of her quotes here fixed attention on screens is hijacking a generation's childhood and well-being in mass. I don't think a lot of us realize every second we give to screen time, whether it's computer games, video games, TV, Netflix, Hulu, Prime, whatever, any of your cable channels, social media, your phone, TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, X, Snapchat, whatever it is. Every second today that we give to those things is a second 50 years ago, 75 years ago, that would have been given to God or people or nature. And I'm not saying that there weren't other vices, folks, 100 years ago at all. But what I'm saying is that we have these distractions built in now today that instead of, you know, maybe 50 years ago, we would have been bored and we would have gone and gotten another family member and said, hey, let's play a game, or let's read a book, or let's go for a walk. Or we would have just gone and done those things and gone outside and taken a walk and looked at the trees. One of the things I'm often baffled by is my father's ability to know facts about nature, particularly plants. And it just astounds me. I don't have that capability, I don't think, to begin with. But I know one of the reasons that he has a better grasp of flora, fauna than I do is because of all the years without a screen. And that's what you paid attention to: clouds, weather, wildlife, nature, people, interactions, right? So she's got here in this article, it's a great article, by the way. If you get a chance, I would look it up online somewhere. It's again, it's by Barbara Danza, Smart Ways to Limit Kids Screen Time. She goes through and talks about uh five ways. And it's titled Hold Off, Reverse Course, Teach Your Children Well, Model the Behavior You Wish to See, and Set and Enforce Boundaries. Um the the first one, hold off. Folks, I'm a huge, we talked about this in the Marine Corps as leaders. It's so much better to set really strict, hard goals, criteria, boundaries as an officer or staff and CEO, and then back off of them. It's much harder to set loose standards and then try and increase those standards. That's just a leadership thing. You want to come in and you want the standards to be as high as possible in every category. And then as you can, if you need to, you back off of those. But typically, obviously, the goal is to help your Marines and sailors work toward those high standards, right? Because you're probably going to set standards that maybe they can't reach at the beginning, and you want to work toward that, but you don't want to set low standards. Uh you might set low goals working toward that high standard, but you don't want to set low standards. And so part of this, the hold-off thing is the best, the very best advice, and she talks about this, and I agree with it, is don't give your kids phones, iPads, tablets, remote controls until you really actually have to. I had a professor in college, my advisor in grad school. They didn't even have a TV. They were from Germany. They didn't have a TV in their house, whole house. And I remember their kids sitting and playing in his office when we would have meetings sometimes, and they were they were totally content to play with a puzzle or a game. And I'm not saying that was always the case. It certainly didn't make those kids perfect, but I do remember that, how content they were without a screen in front of them. Uh reverse course, she talks about considering embarking on a week-long or month-long digital detox, uh, setting particular times that should be screen-free, reducing the time you're sitting in front of a television, uh, et cetera, et cetera. Uh teach your children well. She says, draw a line between using them as a tool, technology, right? Uh for information and creativity versus a crutch, a distraction, and an escape. I'm going to come back to that quote. She talks about, she says, encourage real-life versions of every so-called benefit of these devices. Get information from books, enjoy social interaction in person, draw pictures on paper, watch video games or movies together as a family. Folks, 100% agree with that. Anything that you can do on a phone, there's a way to do that without a phone. Some of it's not beneficial, you know, some of it doesn't make sense. But for example, if you want to write somebody, instead of writing an email or sending a text, write a letter. Or actually make a phone call and talk to the person. Or wait until you see that person. So often we text the most ridiculous things. You don't need to know what everybody's doing every fifth second of the day. Just wait until you see them and talk to them at night. Or the next day when you see your friend and actually interact with them. Right? I know I've been here a long time, folks, and I and I will try and wrap up in the next couple minutes, but this distraction thing is big. Uh the last two, set and enforce boundaries. The big deal, don't set boundaries that you're not willing to enforce. That's again leadership 101. It doesn't matter whether you're in the Marine Corps or in business or school or a coach on a team or a parent. Don't set boundaries that you aren't willing to enforce. Because then it just makes you look like a hypocrite or a weak hypocrite. So even if the boundary is real low, if you just don't have the fortitude to set a really hard standard and stick with it, it would be better to set a low bar, something really simple, maybe. Let's stay off the phone for 10 minutes a day. That's a joke, right? But maybe that's the standard. Make sure that you can enforce it and that you are willing to go to bat over that boundary as opposed to setting a boundary that you're not willing to enforce. But this model the behavior you wish to see, you combine that with her comment about distractions and escapes. And I want to talk about, and we'll wrap up here. This is true with screen time, folks, and it's true with marriage and faith. And it ties into setting an example. Young men and women, when you're looking for a spouse, you need to set the expectations early and clearly for what your role is a husband, what your role is as a wife. And it needs to be based on scripture. You need to go through those scriptures that we talk about each podcast. You need to sit down together, you need to talk about it. Because after the fact, and I think so many of my generation and a generation or two before, we bought into this Hollywood, crazy, stupid idea that, well, everything's just going to magically work out. And we translated that not only to our marriage, but to our faith. It's just not reality, folks. It's not reality in any other endeavor that we embark upon. Business, athleticism, you know, athletics, academics, we have to work hard, we have to have standards, we have to set the expectations clearly and early on. You got to do that in your marriage. What are your roles as a husband? What are your roles as a wife? How do you see them? How does your potential spouse see them? Household chores, income, children, how many are you going to have? Where are you going to live? What kind of job do you, you know, what are your goals? Sex? It doesn't matter. All of those topics ought to be clearly discussed from a scriptural basis and expectations clearly outlined because after the fact, folks, it's too late. And the last thing I'll say here, uh, because so what happens is if we don't set those expectations, then the screens kind of have jumped in. And this hasn't been going on with just the phones, folks. We've been doing this for decades. We turn to screens as a distraction and an escape so that we don't have to really deal with our failings to live up to the roles and responsibilities that we should have in our relationship with God and our relationship with our spouse, and then our relationships with all these other people, children, parents, friends, etc., after that. And at the end of the day, folks, if you can't convince uh your spouse, for example, or anybody else, for whatever reason, if if you just can't get people on board, lead. Do what you're supposed to do, whether anybody else follows you or not, spend the time with God that you're supposed to spend. Love your spouse the way you're supposed to love them, the best that you can. And then let God deal with them. And man, that's hard to do. I know it's hard to do. I know I'm asking a lot. I fail at it from time to time, but don't get on the phones yourself. Are you are you, you know, you're worried about your spouse being on the phone or your kids being on the phone? Are you on the phone all the time? Are you in front of a TV all the time? Fix yourself, lead by example, and let God worry. It's that John Adams, John Quincy Adams quote: Duty is ours, results are God's. Follow Christ's command. Love your spouse. Get off of your phones and screens. And then if if people follow you, great. And if they don't, that's between them and God. That's on them. Great article, huge article, highly recommended if you get a chance. Again, it's by Barbara Danza. I got it out of the Epic Times. You may be able to find it some other places. Smart Way to Limit Kids Screen Time. She's got a lot of other really good stuff in that article. If you get a chance, highly recommend it. I know I took a lot of time today. I think that is so important, though, to the strength of our nation and our marriages and our families and our faith today. If you're looking for a family fun, middle grade read, I recommend Countryside. If you get a chance, check it out. If you like it, leave a review. I would greatly appreciate that. If you feel like you're getting something out of the podcast, there's a donation page on the Buzz Sprout website. I would highly appreciate or very be very grateful for that. And we'll wrap up. Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not to temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen. God bless y'all. God bless your families. God bless your marriages. God bless America. God bless your nation, wherever you are around the world. Listen, we'll talk to you all again real soon, folks. Looking forward to it.